Don't know if this email I got was real or not, sounds like fun though....

Kmaxx store 4xxxxStore Phone: (775) xxxxxx
Sxxxxxx, Rxxx, xx, 89xx Pharmacy Phone: (775) xxxxxx
12 March 2005
Jon Wxxxx
Store Manager
Kxxrt store 4xxx
Sxxxx Rixxx Rxxx, xx, 89xx
Mrs. Fxxxxx
35 Raxxxxxx Street
MxxxxxPxxxx xxxxNxx, 89xxx
Dear Mrs. Fxxxx,
D
uring the preceding 6 months our security staff has been monitoring your husbands activities while in our store. The
list below details his offences, all of which have been verified by our surveillance cameras and we have retained copies
on tape.
We have repeatedly given your husband verbal warnings while he is in this store and he has subsequently ignored
them. He replied to these warning with rudeness and the response “while the wife shops here I will come here too”. We
are therefore forced to ban you, your husband and your family from this store.
The following list details your husbands activates in this store over the past six months.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares and watched what
happened.
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-buy.
September 14: Moved a 'Caution - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite the in if they'll bring pillows.
September 23: If any staff offers him assistance he begins to cry and asks, “Why can't you people just leave me alone?”
October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it a mirror, and picked his nose.
November 10: While in the gun department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna Look" using different size funnels.
December 18: Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO!
NO! It's those voices again!"
December 23: Went in the fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet
paper in here!
John F. Wxxxxx
Store Manager

Pure blue Flag of Heaven
With your Silver Stars,
Not beside those Crosses'
Blood-stained torture-bars:

Not beside the token
The foul sea-harlot gave,
Pure blue Flag of Heaven,
Must you ever wave!

No, but young exultant,
Free from care and crime,
The soulless selfish England
Of this later time:

No, but, faithful, noble
Rising from her grave,
Flag of light and liberty,
For ever must you wave!

The Australian Flag. Francis Adams. 1909.

Just looking at the photos makes me yearn for the open spaces and freedom of the bush.
Planning is underway for the next trip. Norseman will be first up, then head north through the desert tracks as much as possible to Broome, then into the Kimberlies. Maybe find some gold along the way if I'm lucky.

Couple of piccies from out the bush up near Gascoigyne Junction. The rocks that the hills are made out of are a sharp as knives and make a sound like breaking glass when dropped. The kangaroos still manage to hop around on them without any trouble.
These were a couple of places where there was no human generated noise and the wind was the only sound. So quiet that it nearly hurts the ears. Beautiful.

a short story

Marlayna woke up with a start, the putrid smell of her last rancid bedfart enough to wake even a sloth like her. Her watering eyes spoke volumes about the previous night, the stench of semi digested macca's mixed with several hours old cum reminded her of the nights events.

Might be time to move town again she thought to herself, in her usual insipid manner. Yep this one was just about fucked out and once the last barfly has blown it's time to hit the road.

Memories of the events of the previous night were slowly coming back. Looking at her cum encrusted face in the mirror, she idly realized that it was the first time she had taken on eight drunken niggers. They had all left earlier than was planned of course, same old story, get them home, barflys, niggers, who or whatever - then they find out what a useless root she was. Even the Alsation had run away up the road yipping after shooting its load.

Well, she'd done the rounds now, last nights efforts having started in the last of the dingy "grab a granny" dives that was in this town. Yep, time for a new town.

A hefty thump, clump and bang down the stairs, followed by the sound of leftover maccas being microwaved for brekky announced the awakening of sweet little Amy. Amy was her pride and joy, 340kg of pure perfection, her daughter. Amy was awake early this morning, it was only 1030 am, must be a sign.

Amy was a bit big for her age, and known to eat a fair bit, but she was big boned. Plus, when 340kg of shapeless lump wants to empty the fridge who was she to argue, when a pig has to eat, it has to fucken eat. Yep, time to move, Amy eating the neighbors pets was probably an omen of things to come.

The urvan was loaded in no time at all, pretty easy with heaps of practise. Amy was safely snuggled up with a bucket of kentucky duck, should keep her going till lunch. Marlayna was still full from all the cum she had gobbled down during the night before, well from every night in the last six months in this town to tell the truth.

And they were off.

Not far out of town they came across the gorges, high and windswept. The dry pockmarked rocks cast Marlayna's mind back to the image of her dry saggy cunt reflecting out from amongst her morning movement in the dunny bowl. Something stirred within, a deeper memory, of jumping from a cliff - she pulled over, the urvan groaning in protest at the abuse Amy was giving the overworked suspension.

A jutting outcrop was off to the side, looming over the valley and providing a magnificant vantage point to stand on. Amy was still snacking on the mcduck, gotta keep her strength up, so Marlayna slid her cellulosed legs out of the urvan. Her arse made obscene sucking noises as the last of the anal blast she had recieved relinquished its sticky grip on the seat which it had been dribbling onto.

She stood on the edge, a voice said jump ...but she fought the impulse with uncharacteristic willpower. A wheezing lump appeared beside her - "Hi Amy".

The voice said jump, in a louder tone, they looked at each other - rat faced mole and fat pig, and the jutting outcrop - which had withstood the weight of behomoths upon it - broke off and dashed them into a slimy mess of maccas, mcduck, cum and shit on the rocks below.

Oh well, shit happens.


(this is a work of fiction (made up stuff you know) Any resemblance to persons real or deceased is purely accidental. If the contents offend you - guess what? Fuck off.)

Poor blodge, i took him out to maccas with his little brothers , (splodge and podge), and a fucken seagull nicked his chips. he was a bit peckish, (and is a bit partial to gull), unfortunately he fell off the roof trying to get the gull. Thank fuck he was on a diet and didn't splatter as much as he would've before going on the diet.
Still the fat little fucker cost me 700 bucks to get the remains carted away. It is so hard to get rid of waste fat nowadays.

fat people

Isn't it funny how defensive people become when they percieve someone else as not agreeing that their kid is perfect in every way. The fucken thing could be the size of the Hindenburg but good ol mum will refuse to acknowledge that maybe they are contributing to the health and esteem problems that the child does and will face, by being in a state of denial.

They will actively attack people for noticing or having the audacity to have a point of view on the subject, while remaining firmly entrenched in thier belief that fatness does not affect thier offspring. Much as the parents of ratbags would never believe that little johhny would nick little old ladies handbags.

Well guess what? You're wrong. The shapeless blob at your side is FAT. not bigboned, not large, just plain fucken fat. and knows it..and deep down so do you. this must lead to feelings of being inadequate or a failure in both parties. Wake up you dumb cunt and do something about it.