I reckon it's great fun to get away from just about everycunt at least a couple of times a year. What better time to head down south than when the heat hits up north. Fucken 45C at home the day I left - Fuck That!!

This trip was down to the Bremer Bay - Esperance sort of region, to another of my secret spots, accessible only via an unmarked and rough track. The mountains in the flick are the Stirling Ranges, which I passed to the north of.

What a top fucken spot. Went for a skinny dip in the Southern Ocean that I was camped right next to. No other cunt there for me to offend, or to offend me.

Except for the fucken flies. The little black cunts. A plague of the cunting fucking things, descending only once I had set up camp and cracked a sherbet. They did not fuck off until well after twilight and reappeared before first light - so many of the cunts that they had their own shadow as a halo around mine. Fuck That!! Exit stage left.

Off up the coast a couple of hundred K's to visit some old mates and indulge in much drinking of piss and scallywag behavior. (Hence no photos of this aspect of the trip - boots were wobbly and hands were full). My mates live in a secluded valley, atop a mountain, on three hundred acres of green pasture and bush. Kangaroos everywhere. A waterfall - fucken big waterfall too - over a granite outcrop.

Good fishing in the ocean ten minutes away, where surprisingly, the other cunts that had been having a fish decided to leave when we arrived. Probably a good idea though.

We had fun emptying the eskie and catching fish and telling tourists that we had just seen a six foot shark "Right Fucken There - so I wouldn't go swimming if I was you'se cunts"; (they left as well - hahahaha - fuck off). I thoughtfully gave away some squid to a young couple for bait - I somehow forgot to mention that as it was four days old and had been laying in the sun for most of the time the only reason it didn't fucken reek was the fact it was under water in my bait bucket - which they did not have. Still they would have enjoyed it when they handled it and would certainly remember their fishing trip for a while.

Well today I bit the fucken bullet and did the Chrissie cheer bit.

Yep. Down to the shops in the big smoke. Where you can find those small, but exotic and thoughtful, items of wonderment for the recipient.

It's pretty fucken hard though. This going to the fucken shops lark. 'Specially at this time of year.

Cunts fucken everywhere, blocking up the show.

Still I managed to find some exquisite baubles to delight when they are unexpectedly received by the recipients....

Ribbed and flavored condoms.

Imported canned smoked salmon.

Premium gourmet mixed nuts.

A can of cat food.

A large tin of boot polish.

A frozen chook.

Ergonomic mousetraps (6 pack).

A box of tampons.

Dolly Parton's Greatest Hits CD.

2 pairs of orange jocks.

1 pair of socks ( one long red, one short green).

Although it is rare that I get to see the wonderment and surprise on their faces when they see their gift, it is definitely worth it.

Even if it's just the challenge of slipping it in the trolley when they aren't looking ;)

Now listen here Santa you fat cunt. And listen fucken good.

Me an' mad elmer have got your mate the easter bunny. Caught the chubby little fucker sleeping off his latest binge chocolate session. Dumb mangy rodent cunt that it is.

So here's the fucken deal. What we want is...

• Big fucken power boat - (think "McHales Navy")- for starters anyway
  
• A helicopter (gunship - yes with a chaingun and fucken rockets too - heaps of the cunts)
  
• A huge fucken outback property (>than 4000Km2)
• Heaps of water, bush, hills and feral stuff to shoot on the place - (don't go to fucken mental though - you fucken know what I want)
  
• No fucken tourists on the place
• No more fucken dealing with government agencies of any sort - if they supply it - they do it.
  
• Heaps of good looking, well trained, and scantily clad sheilas - (that can cook as well)
• A fleet of long nose Kennie's - (and a variety of trailers to suit - including accommodation)
  
• An endless supply of cold beer
• SAS long range patrol vehicle in full rig
• A gold mine
• Fiji
  
• An Iron ore mine
• Elves for slaves - (or blowing away with the gunships or SAS rig)
  
• Anything else at fucking all that we think of....
  

So....

Fatboy.....

are you feeling lucky??

We are.

We have four rabbits feet.

If we don't get what we want...

We'll give you one for chrissy :)

Rackorf.


(BTW we know where you fucken live Mr North Pole Cunt and we're watching you)

In five hundred and eighty dollars time, and after eighteen long fucken years, I get out of the child support prison.

Thank fuck for that.