Sunday, April 01, 2007

A mate sent me an email, the text of which is below. I'll be writing a few of these points down to discuss with the fucken religious nuts that lurk around on Sundays. Maybe if any religous cunt is reading this, they may like to comment.......

"Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses
advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said
that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination
according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any
circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned
by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's
funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding
God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to
share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone
tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply
remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you,
however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to
follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my
neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned
in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a
fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she
is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The
problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both
male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring
nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but
not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is
an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God
if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle
room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including
the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly
forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them
to death at a private family affair like we do with people who
sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am
confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's
word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,

Any takers?